Hey guys! Welcome back. A post that has been requested quite a bit over the past several months is how to tell if you are dealing with emotional abuse. People have asked what the signs are and how to know what it is. So I decided today to sit down and share a bit of what I know about emotional abuse and what I have gone through. Of course, keep in mind that I am not a trained professional and have no way of telling you exactly what you are going through. I am simply sharing what I went through and a therapist did help me see that these were signs of emotional abuse. Also, remember there are many, many more signs of abuse other than what I list here. However, I will only be discussing the signs that I have personally experienced.
1. You walk on eggshells.
If you feel as though you are constantly walking on eggshells to avoid disappointing your friend, partner, or parent, this may be a sign of emotional abuse. You shouldn’t feel the need to be so perfect that you don’t do anything. If you are constantly second guessing yourself, you may want to reevaluate the relationship.
2. They gaslight you.
One of the most common signs of emotional abuse is gaslighting. This is where someone downplays your reality or tells you what you are feeling or thinking is not true. They deny what is actually happening and bring up their own perception of how they think things really are. This makes you feel invalid and can often make you question yourself and your worth.
3. They need every detail of your life.
It’s one thing to check in occasionally to make sure someone is okay. It is completely different to need to know where you are going and who you will be with. And the need to always be with you makes it even worse. This is a form of emotional abuse, especially if it is paired with other signs.
4. They say hurtful things and disguises them as jokes.
When people say things that hurt us that is simply not okay. Even if they think it is a joke or funny in any way, if it hurts you it should not be said. Your partner, parent, or friend should be respectful of you enough to know that when something bothers you they should stop doing it and apologize. Because deep down you know there is a truth to what they are saying and they should not be saying it.
5. You constantly apologize.
If you are constantly apologizing even for things that are not your fault, it is a red flag that something isn’t right. It’s not good if you feel that you are always sorry and you feel as though you can’t make mistakes. You may even come to start thinking that you are stupid or selfish because you have been made to feel that way for so long.
6. They are hot and cold.
If they are warm, happy, and loving one minute and then they get angry or upset the next, you may be dealing with emotional abuse. If you try to figure out what is causing it but can’t figure it out, it might be emotional abuse. It can turn you into a very anxious people pleaser if you stay in that relationship too long.
7. They don’t acknowledge your accomplishments or success.
If your partner is not proud of you or you find them belittling you and your success, this is not a relationship you want to be in. Going through something like this often causes people to stop recognizing their own achievements and simply giving up. You need people in your life who are supportive and proud of you.
8. They withhold things to punish you.
Whether that be money, affection, or even sex, they might withhold whatever they can to punish you in some way. This is not a sign of a healthy relationship. Any relationship that has contingencies or strings attached in that way is extremely problematic. The affection or love someone has for you should not be conditional.
9. You have no desire to be around them.
Someone who is emotionally abusive makes you not want to be around them, and rightfully so. However, it’s important to be able to recognize why you don’t want to be around them and what is causing you to feel this way. Relationships of any kind that involve a person you avoid is not a relationship worth being in.
10. You want to be there for them even though they hurt you.
This is one of those signs that people often mistake for love. And to a degree you should be there for whomever it is if it’s not a pattern. However, if this person has a history of not being there for you or continues to hurt you, that is problematic. You deserve to have relationships with people who do want to help you and are willing to be there for you. You don’t deserve to keep helping someone who only hurts you.
Relationships of all kinds can be tricky. However, I believe in the significance of knowing the signs of something like emotional abuse because it’s not always easy to figure out. Thank you so much for stopping by! I hope you find this helpful. Please remember if you are in a relationship of any kind that is abusive in any way to reach out to someone. It is difficult and it is scary, but I promise it is worth it.