Hey guys! Welcome back. I want to start by saying that I spent many years thinking there was something wrong with me. I didn’t understand why I felt or didn’t feel certain things. I couldn’t even understand it enough to talk about it. But after some time looking into it and trying to figure it out, I learned that there is nothing wrong with me. I’m demisexual and that’s what I want to talk about today.
I used to think I was broken. When my friends would talk about someone they thought was “hot” or they were sexually attracted to, I didn’t really understand it. I always went along with because I just thought that’s how I was supposed to feel, and I thought someday I would get there. But at 22, I’m still not there. I can’t look at a random person and thought about them in a sexual or super intimate way.
I have had crushes for sure. But not in a way that had much to do with physical appearance. Even relationships that I have been in haven’t had to do that much with physical attraction. I have been attracted to people only when I have had a sense of their personality and there is an emotional bond or connection. I am far more drawn to personality and emotion than what someone looks like.
I never really understood why all my friends wanted to kiss someone at school or even a celebrity. I thought someday I would understand, but it never happened. I am just not attracted to people I haven’t gotten to know very well. I am not sexually or physically attracted to someone I haven’t talked to or don’t know very well. That’s not to say I never think someone is attractive because there are plenty of attractive people that I would love to get to know. But to be attracted to them and want them in a physical way is not something I really experience.
And after finally giving it some thought and looking into it, I realize that is what it means to be demisexual. I am only physically attracted to someone once I have a deeper emotional connection. The amount of people I have really been attracted to in my life I can count on one hand. And I don’t think I am missing out on anything or that I am broken in anyway. I just realize that I need to be emotionally involved with someone before I can be physically involved with someone.
And that’s not to say there is anything wrong with people who are attracted to someone physically without that deeper emotional connection. Both are equal in their own rights. Both are valid attractions. I just spent a lot of time thinking there was something wrong with me, and now that I know there is not, I wanted to share it because if someone else is experiencing something similar, I want them to know they are not alone and they are not broken in any way.
I am a romantic. I love romance and love. I just don’t experience that immediate spark that some people get when they look at someone for the first time. I do feel attraction and love and interest in people. It just takes me a bit longer to get there. I don’t have flings. I don’t hook up with people. I just can’t have that kind of physical relationship without there being an emotional and deeper connection first. And that has made dating really hard. But I know that there is nothing wrong with me.
It took me a long time to understand what was going on and why I felt the way that I did. But once I figured out that there is a word for it and that I am not alone, I felt a huge sense of relief. I finally understand why I don’t have the same kind of physical attraction that other people in my life experience. I don’t have the sexual fantasies and dreams about people I don’t know that well. And I have learned that both are okay. It’s okay to have those attractions and fantasies, but it’s also okay if you don’t. You are not broken either way.
Thank you so much for stopping by! I hope you enjoyed this. Please like it if you did. Let me know in the comments if you want to hear more about this or if you liked this kind of post. Don’t forget to follow before you leave if you have not already and I hope to see you next time!
Podcast: Learning To Be Limitless