Hey guys! Welcome back. I hope you are having a great week so far. Today starts the first of many blog posts in my new series “Life Through My Eyes” where I talk to you guys about various topics and questions that you guys have asked about and things that I feel will help you get to know me a lot better. And today I thought we would just start out strong with something I have really been struggling with these past few months. Today we are going to talk about my journey to forgiving myself and all the things that I am trying to forgive myself for.
If you have been around for any significant amount of time than you probably know that my past is full of bumps and bruises. There is a lot of trauma and pain, and there is some, particularly in recent years, that I have brought on myself. There are things that I have put myself through for no reason other than the fact that I either couldn’t let go of someone or something or I devalued myself to the point of believing that what I had was all I deserved. So today we are going to talk about some of the things that I need to forgive myself for and how I am working to do that. And maybe this will inspire you to look at your own journey and see if there are things you need to work toward forgiving yourself for.
We are going to start off super vague and general here, but I think it is important. There are many things from my past that need to be forgiven. I grew up thinking a certain way about myself and being conditioned to believe certain negative things about myself that as I got older those things stuck with me. And that affected how I treated myself. So because I felt like I was less deserving of happiness or good things I often let myself just not care. And while it’s definitely not something I am proud of, it’s something that I need to let go of and move on from. I need to change a lot of things moving forward, but first I need to forgive myself for not always being kind to myself.
With this I am not just talking about romantic relationships, although they are a part of it. But I am also talking about friendships, coworkers, and even family relationships. Sometimes relationships aren’t always meant to last forever. Sometimes people are only meant to be in our lives for a small period of time, and that’s okay. But at the end of the day we can’t always beat ourselves up because we have failed relationships. It just means that you know your value and what you deserve. So I definitely need to stop trying to get people to like me who just don’t.
I’m not strong all the time. I have many weaknesses. I’m not good at everything and I definitely don’t have all the answers. But I feel like there are people in my life who have always just kind of expected me to know what I was doing. It’s caused me to struggle with my weaknesses and try to hide them. But they are there and it’s time for me to forgive myself for having them because they make me who I am. They make me human. I don’t have to be perfect at everything, I just need to keep trying to move forward.
I think I will let someone judge me for my mistakes when they can say they haven’t made mistakes. And you know who that person is? God. So I’m genuinely just tired of trying to cover up everything I’ve done and hide the fact that I have not only made mistakes, but will continue to make mistakes. I can’t keep going on knowing that I am too afraid to admit that I mess up sometimes. I need to forgive myself so I can move on and just live my life without fear.
The Moments I Won’t Get Back.
I’ve given a lot of time to a lot of people who didn’t deserve it. I have trusted a lot of people who didn’t deserve that trust. I have given my heart to people who took advantage of it and left it broken and bruised. And with those people I have a lot of moments that I won’t get back. I have a lot of time that I won’t get back. And time is the most precious thing that we have. It’s also the most fleeting thing that we have. It’s a struggle to forgive myself for that, but I know how important it is.
Forgiving myself is really a difficult thing. I have struggled so much with understanding and showing myself grace. But I do think it is important in dealing with things I have gone through and moving forward in life. Learning to forgive myself has proven to be quite the challenge, but it’s a process I know I will be thankful for once it’s over. This journey is difficult and it tests my patience at times. But if I can’t forgive myself for being human and living my life, then I will never be comfortable with doing anything or being anything.
And the reason I am sharing this with you is because I want you to know that if you struggle with any of these same things that you are not alone. We all have battle scars and wounds we have not yet healed from. Some of us have different ones. Some of us have more than others. It’s something everyone faces at some point. But it is so important that we learn what we need to forgive ourselves for and how to go about forgiving those things. Life is too short and too precious to hold on to past regrets and mistakes. It’s time to let go and learn to move on. It will be difficult, but it is also so worth it in the end.
Thank you so much for stopping by! I hope you enjoyed this. Please like it if you did. Let me know in the comments if there is anything you would like me to expand on or if there is anything else you would like me to talk about in this series. The next post will be in just a couple of days on Friday and I will be talking about how I am focusing on the long game and what that means to me. Don’t forget to follow before you leave if you have not already and I hope to see you next time!
Podcast: This Blessed Mess
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