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Welcome To Love, Geeky Girl

Hi! My name is Samantha!

I am fueled by faith, blogging, and chocolate. I’m all about having authentic and intentional conversations, as well as offering advice where I can. I love talking all things blogging, beauty, and lifestyle. Thank you so much for stopping by! I hope you will choose to subscribe and stay a while!

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***A Note From Sam*** Dani mentions this, but I want to make extra sure that anyone who clicks on this sees this. While I recognize not everyone is comfortable with this topic or this kind of content, you are not required to read it. You are not required to click on it. You are not required to comment. That being said, as always, there will be absolutely no hateful comments or messages tolerate to Dani or myself. If this content is not for you, that is perfectly fine. You are not obligated in any way to read it. Kindly exit this post and come back for the next one. We have the utmost respect and kindness for all of you and we expect the same in return. So if you are going to comment, which we do encourage, please make it positive and uplifting. Anything negative will not be allowed.

By: Dani Kessel

[My articles are a sex-positive, trans-inclusive, queer-inclusive space. Please keep the comments section welcoming and friendly. No hate or erasure of identities will be tolerated. If you are unhappy with the inclusive language I use, you are welcome to click off this page.]

Flicking the bean. Beat-boxing. Buttering the muffin. Riding the O train. Double-clicking. Dialing the rotary phone. Minding the gap. Doing the two-finger taco tango…

Whatever you want to call it, masturbation with a vulva is fun!

For some folks with this genitalia, though, they’ve endured so much stigma around the topic that they are ashamed of even thinking about self-pleasure. The truth is that masturbation has many health benefits, and it is a perfectly normal, acceptable thing to do. With the right techniques and some patience, you can find yourself enjoying the practice as well. 

Note: I’m not a sexologist, but I did a lot of research to provide you with the best possible tips.

Set the mood

Getting in the mood isn’t just for partnered sexual activity. There are a variety of ways to set your mind towards getting sexy. Light some candles and dim the lights. Eat your favorite snack. Maybe drink some wine if you’re of legal age and able to do so. Play some sultry music. Undress slowly and run your hands across your body. Put on your sexiest lingerie or put on some fuzzy pajamas, any fabric that feels relaxing. (You don’t have to masturbate naked.) Construct a fantasy in your head. Not all of these will fit for everyone, and that’s okay. Just do pre-masturbation activities that help you focus on self-love.

Use lubrication

Lube can help make your masturbation more stimulating. It can improve your chances of orgasming. Everything will feel more comfortable and easy. It also puts less pressure on your body to produce self-lubrication. Some people cannot produce any lubrication and others can’t produce enough comfortable, enjoyable masturbation. If you are in that boat, just know that there is no shame in purchasing lube for your sexy time. The main goal is to feel good and have fun.

The biggest thing to be cautious of is that you don’t want to use silicone-based lubes on sex toys since that can wear down the body-safe coatings. Also, avoid any lubrication with glycerin or other sugars for mucus membranes. Glycerin can increase the likelihood of yeast infections, UTIs, and bacterial vaginosis.

Shift your goal away from orgasming

While this may seem counterintuitive, stress and anxiety can make it more difficult to climax. Focusing too heavily on the endgame, especially if orgasms don’t come easily for you, will make it tougher in the long run. Plus, some medications like antidepressants, antihypertensives, antifungals, and hormones can cause sexual dysfunction and difficulty orgasming. Try, instead, to focus on the pleasure you feel throughout your body while masturbating. The clitoris head has 8,000 nerve endings which spread sensations to 15,000 nerves throughout the pelvic area. 

Stroke different parts of the genitals

While the clitoris is extremely important when it comes to orgasming, there are many other forms of external stimulation to play around with. The clitoris actually extends in a wishbone shape down the sides of your genital region and inside the body, so other areas like the perineum, the labia, and the vaginal opening are highly sensitive as well. Try lightly pinching the outside lips of your labia and rub it up and down. Adjust the pressure to what feels best for your body. Stroke the perineum and down onto the butt. (But don’t use that hand for the vaginal area again without washing it.) Play around with using different parts of the hand–the palm, the fingertips, the thumb. Tease the opening of the vaginal canal without ever penetrating.

Practice squeezing the muscles in your thighs and vaginal walls

Kegeling, leg-rubbing, and leg-clenching is a great hands-free way to build up your sexual pleasure. Cross your legs in a position where your muscles put pressure on your genitals then squeeze and release repeatedly or rub in circular motions. This action works as a form of self-tribadism. Instead of putting your vulva in contact with another person’s body, you are putting your vulva in contact with your own body. You can also mix it up by putting something like a hand or pillow or blanket in between your legs while doing this. It’s a nice way to mix up the feeling and potentially enhance your enjoyment.

Edging!

There are four stages of arousal: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. This technique involves getting yourself all the way to plateau when you are on the cusp of orgasm, then calming down a little, then building yourself back up to that edge, then calming, then building, then calming until you can’t take it anymore and you let yourself fully orgasm. While not everybody likes to do this (and that’s fair), edging and orgasm control can lead to more intense orgasms as well as full-body orgasms. Sometimes the anticipation really can make all the difference. And by playing around with this trick, you learn to know your body and what form of masturbation works best for you.

Breathe into the stimulation

Many people hold their breath or forget to breathe when they are getting really aroused. However, deep, slow breathing with your diaphragm increases blood flow and circulation to your whole body, including your groin. With the increased blood flow, you’ll likely have an easier time building your pleasure sensations. Breathe into stimulation for a more intense feeling. Make sure, though, that you are focusing on it building up to, but not during, an orgasm. If you’re orgasming, focusing on your breathing can actually disrupt the process of orgasm and resolution.

Explore your whole body

Despite common belief, there is no exact limited number of erogenous zones. Erogenous zones are simply places on the body that feel good to touch. Your genitals and secondary sex characteristics aren’t the only places that are pleasant to touch. If you experience dysphoria at any part of your body, know that there are other places you can use for pleasure without making your discomfort worse. Allow your arms, mouth (if flexible), legs, feet–really any part of your body that you use for touch– toys, feathers, paddles, or anything you enjoy the feeling of that’s body-safe to explore different areas. When used in combination with other sexy time techniques, unexpected erogenous zones like the thigh, forearm, lower back, foot, scalp, etc. can lead to delicious sexual pleasure. This can also be a great way to masturbate if you experience chronic pain in or around your pelvis.

Put a pillow, blanket, or wedge under your back

This trick is especially helpful for folks with limited mobility. Putting something under the lower back angles your pubic mons and genitals to where they are more easily accessible. You can enhance the pleasurable sensations as you can reach your clitoris, g-spot, and a-spot more easily. Also, adding a wedge or a blanket under your neck or your upper back can make laying down more comfortable when masturbating. Pillows, blankets, and wedges can all help you find a position with no pain, easy access, and comfortable for longer playtime sessions.

Use Sex Toys

Sex toys can be a fun way to mix things up. They can also provide pleasure for people with skin-to-skin sensory problems. I won’t go too heavily into this topic since I previously wrote about things to know before buying a sex toy, just know that this is an option that many people enjoy. Furthermore, there are toys that cater specifically to trans individuals, people with disabilities, and individuals who want toys to use for masturbation AND partner activity.

All around, these suggestions can help enhance your masturbation sessions. Remember that, solo or partnered, your pleasure is important. Getting to know your body and what feels good to you can help you focus on your needs and self-care. It can boost your confidence. It can decrease stress. It eases menstrual cramps. It is just plain fun. The benefits are endless. Despite the stigma, we need to normalize the practice of masturbating. Take control of your sexuality and liberate yourself. 

I hope you enjoyed this article. If you did, like and comment to let us know. Feel free to share with others who could benefit from reading these masturbation tricks.

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